Entry for 18 March 2007 - I want i want i want!!!!!

Some times i think of myself as a pretty selfish type of person. Not saying that i don't think of other people because i do... But some times i just look at my life and wish for a few different things. One of these things being that i wish that i was in the position where i could afford to live on my own. I'm not saying that i have a bad house mate at all, because deep down i know i'm lucky and i shouldn't really complain. But there are times where i wish that i could just come home and get down to my knickers and bra and do my house work... or that in the middle of the night when i need a drink of water i don't have to think about putting clothes on (it just wakes me up that little more than i need to be). I just wonder when my life is going to change from being struggle to feeling a little more comfortable.

Another want is the fact that i would love to be my own boss - or be in the position where i'm a little more demanded career wise. I must admit that i'm starting to build mine, but i just want that little more. You know where i can just waltz into work at 10.30am and i don't really have to justify it to any one else. Or go to those really long lunch meetings and meet up with clients. and have clients ring me... Not just sales people. I'm not to sure if anyone else feels like this at times - other than my boyfriend... But i want a better job. Or a career not just a job.

I wish that i had already completed my course and i was getting all the rewards... This is all related to my career - and seems that i could talk about this all day long, i'm going to stop.

I wish that my basis of friends were a little better. Don't get me wrong i do have a great bunch of friends - i don't see them all as much as i used too. But my life has changed a lot that i just don't get to see them. I'll pain that picture for you all so you can understand. I had a great bunch of friends when i first moved here - i meet a majority of them at my second job that i took up because i couldn't afford life in the city. There were heaps of us, and because we all used to live around the corner from one another - we all used to hang out all the time... And when we weren't hanging out we would just pop up to the pub and someone was there. I ended up moving in with one of the guys that i meet through everyone at the pub. Soon enough he and i were actually seeing each other also.. My advice is to never have a relationship or sleep with a friend..> it just get complicated. So as the story goes, I didn't end up wanting to be with him any longer. The relationship was really hard for me - he was a little older... But he was also pretty controlling. He didn't want me to see our friends without him being there. I ended up trying to break up but would always go back because i felt so guilty. Anyway 18 months ended up passing us by and I moved out of the house we were sharing and needed my own space. It was a chance for me to start to break away so to speak. Anyway once we had finally broken up - and this was because i meet my current boyfriend. I knew what i wanted and my ex wasn't it... As horrible as it sounded for some reason i just fell for my now boyfriend (and yep we have actually been together for about 18 months). Ok so now i've broken up with my ex and all our friends have pretty much sided with him.
i'm not saying that i don't see any of them - I do - but they are better friends with him. And they also don't really like my new boyfriend. And as a result i don't see them all... And now i'm finding it really hard to make new friends.
But the friends that i do have are rather special to me... Thats for sure.

I also want to see my family a lot more - i don't live in the same state as them and i'm really missing them. I never thought that so long after living away from them all i would still really miss them... And i do!!! I just wish that i could afford to see them a lot more.

Oh and my selfish want is that i want all my weight to come off me - but that one i also have to work at...

As i'm realising more and more - I actually have to work at most things in life they aren't going to be hanged to me on a silver platter. But i guess thats life and thats the challenge of life. I guess this is what makes it more interesting, because once that list has all been satisfied and accomplished I'm sure there are going to be other wants and wishes.

J x x