Entry for 09 April 2007 - Dreams

Last night i had a dream that i was pregnant with 2 lots of twins (i'm unsure of what it is... quadlets or something????) anyway i was pregnant with 4 children last night. I had 2 of those large prams in my lounge room of my house that i don't know where it is... And all i really remember of my dream is that i was so so very upset and all i did was cried. I don't know if the father of my children were my current boyfriend or if i was just on my own. But i didn't like the feeling of that dream at all. Which i have to say has got me thinking all day long about children and do i really want them?!?!?!

I have a girl / woman / chick what ever you want to call her - i have a work college that is pregnant at the moment who is 26 years old and her and her husband are over the moon. I wonder if i would ever be happy like that. Will i ever have one of those partners that would be responsible enough with his money that we would plan into the future? My current boyfriend isn't like that - though he is a little older than myself.

This Easter long weekend has got me thinking many different things and has really got me thinking that i don't know what i want out of life any more. Or even yet i don't know how i want my life to plan out. I'm usually one of those people that would go yep i would like to travel or have children by this age. But now i don't know what i want; and all its doing is swimming around in my head and its sending me crazy.

I'll explain a little about my long weekend - Friday was fantastic. I went to a fancy restaurant with my boyfriend and ended up eating fish and having some beers and just a great day. By the time we got back to his house later that afternoon the alcohol was wearing off and we were snoozing on the couch. It was a great day of food, alcohol and great company.

Saturday was where we were going to just relax a little and study as we both have assignments that need to be done. As a result we went out to some shopping centers because of the terrible weather and decided not to study at all... We then ended up going to the pub to visit one of my boyfriends good friends that has just got back from overseas from working. This guy is a nice guy, he does have a problem with gambling. By the end of the night i ended up hating my boyfriends friend - and my boyfriend and i were fighting and had a terrible night. I broke up with him - followed by getting back together (personally i think i'm just a little weak at times - but i'm honestly really in love with him which drives me a little crazy.

Sunday and monday was talking about our problems and actually getting along a lot better.

Anyway at the end of the day i'm just a little unsure if i know what i want - and if i stay with my boyfriend will i get what i want out of my life. All i do know is that he is special and i want to try and make it work.

There thats my bitch once again! Does anyone else have boyfriend problems?????? If so please please give me some advice.