Darker side of the city Part 1

This city is hard to grab hold of - this is Sydney for the people that don't recognise it. And just like most cities it comes with some warnings. Coming from the country I found it really difficult to begin with - and the really sad thing now is that the things that I found really difficult don't bother me any more and I hardly ever think of those things.

Homelessness has never stared me right in the face like it does in this city. When I first moved here it used to break my heart, I used to give money when I could. I used to look the homeless in the eye and smile - because I felt like I could hold my head up high because I hadn't done anything wrong and I'm a good person.

But along the way I don't really look at these people that I might pass about 5 times a week... I very rarely look them in the eye any more and I hardly ever give a begger off the street any money. I still don't think of myself as a bad person. But I guess i don't leave my house every day now and think that I can change the world.

I don't know if its a disappointing feeling or a feeling that is good that I can deal with life. Half the time I can hardly look after myself; but with saying that I do have a roof over my head and if i don't have any money - it will only be a couple of days or even a day until my money does come into my account.

4 years ago when i chose to move to Sydney I don't think i really thought about how it would effect me. For sure I've grown up and I'm a more independent and strong headed woman than i ever thought - but on the other hand I do think what if i stayed living in my home town and I lived at home with my parents or had a place of my own where the rent is cheaper and I could actually think of doing a little more with my life. I would love to travel over seas and have a huge adventure. The down side of living in an expensive city is the fact that i don't feel like i'll be able to afford to do this any time soon.

Its a sad realization for a Monday evening - but one that I do often think about...

Where is my future heading????? Anyone like to help me on this one????

Ok well time for bed - good night bloggers.

J xoxoxox